Managers, why your team is testing you (and how to react calmly)
Is your authority being tested? Find out why your colleagues provoke you and how to react without losing your composure or posture.
I'm sure it rings a bell.
An employee who always arrives late.
An inappropriate remark in a meeting.
Partial execution of a clear instruction.
You sense that something is going on, but you can't put your finger on it. So you ask yourself, is it incompetence? Is it an oversight?
Then you come to the most surprising conclusion: what if it was a test?
I'm telling you straight out, yes, your team will test you from time to time, and the real question isn't: "How do I make it stop?" but rather: "Why is it happening... how do I stay calm while anchoring my authority?"
Understanding the mechanisms behind these relationship tests allows you to get out of the emotional reaction and regain a solid posture.
Let's take a look.
1. Why does a team test its manager?
In my career, I have seen 3 main reasons why a team tests its management:
to check the manager's consistency: I call this the congruence test, i.e. does the manager say/do what he/she says? It's not necessarily provocation. It's sometimes a way for subordinates to reassure themselves.
measure the limits, test the framework and/or its solidity (how far can you go without consequences?). Here, following on from the point above, we're a little closer to the frontier of testing. The idea is to understand "how far you can go with him/her",
regaining power: a lot less funny but quite real, in certain situations (internal promotion not obtained for example), some subordinates want to be Caliph instead of Caliph.
To be very clear, these tests are (generally) nothing personal. They reveal an expectation of structure, consistency, even "protection". It's a clumsy but common way for a team to look for a reassuring framework.
2. The most common reaction errors
The 2 most common errors in response to these "test" behaviours are actually two sides of the same coin:
over-reacting: raising your voice, threatening, brutally calling someone to order. This may make you feel better, but bear in mind that you have already damaged the relationship, or even triggered a game of systematic opposition that will only make things worse,
passivity: unjustified silence, excessive tolerance, systematic justification. If you slip into these behaviours, the team will understand that the framework can be circumvented, without effect.
Whatever the case, in both cases the implicit message you're sending the team is: "You're in control, I'm unstable or absent."
And that's an invitation to test yourself further.
3. How to react calmly and authoritatively
It's all about timing: observing, naming and reframing.
1. Observe without reacting immediately.
If you have the impression that something is happening, it may be that something really is happening. Above all, don't show your irritation or annoyance, even if your inner state is comparable to a storm. Apparent calm is a strategic weapon. It shows that you can see what's going on and that it doesn't affect you, that you're in control and that you're not getting carried away,
2. Name the facts of what is happening.
Take a collective or individual moment and simply say: "For the last two weeks, I've noticed three delays at the 9am meetings. What's going on?
3. Reframe with firmness.
Don't confuse reframing with threatening. You need to put the rules (based on the employment contract and the internal rules) and the consequences back at the centre. "You are all free to make your own choices, but not the consequences. Also remember to formalise your findings in an email or in any monthly reports (which I would advise you to do) for HR purposes.
This type of calm, structured and unaffected response sends a clear message: "I see, I understand, I remain stable. And I'm keeping to the framework."
4. Anticipate rather than suffer: set up a regular framework
As you have no doubt realised it, good, structured managerial follow-up prevents tests from occurring. Tests often occur when the framework is unclear, or applied inconsistently.
Setting up a fixed management calendar with monitoring points, regular interviews and a monthly review of commitments will help to defuse most tests before they occur.
Employees needs to know :
what is expected from them, (quantitative and qualitative SMART objectives where applicable),
how their actions are monitored, i.e. on the basis of which indicators,
what the non-negotiable rules are.
The clearer the framework, the more it prevents improvisation and reduces the areas of informal power where tests can proliferate.
This is a fundamental and highly effective method.
Asserting your authority, without violence or weakness
Let me put it bluntly: being tested by your team is a normal stage in any managerial career.
It's a sign that a balance of power is developing, and that your position is being observed. It's not an attack, it's a test. And you have to get through it by solidifying your stance, not by tensing up.
If you react calmly, you show that you are staying on course, and that you know how to refocus without being aggressive. You then become a figure of stability that people will naturally follow.
To go further
Are you working on consolidating your position as a manager, or would you like to help your N-1s to do so? My Coaching and Masterclass programmes deal in depth with these issues of solidity, authority and relational structure. Contact me to find out more.
To your solidity